english oral exams is in about 6 days, and i've got that long to improve my reading. really hope i can do much much more better than the N levels and prelims. 
anyways when for a maths seminar thing at TP today it sucked big time and wasted my damn time. within the first 15 min of the seminar yudkie and i got so darn bored that we went for a stroll around the school and we found a shop that sold almost everything, we were actually looking for a vending machine that sold ice cream, so we settled for the other shop instead. we brought it into the room and ate happily eventhough there was a sign that said " No Food and Drinks Allowed", but who gives a shit? i dont. 
the seminar finally ended at 430 and i headed home with Shana. we talked about the funny things that a person in our class does. Haha! 
seriously i kinda pity her. 
darlene came back to school today, quite happy to see her, though i didnt get to talk to her much, but it was ok.  
today was a happy day.  

the past few days hasnt been good. got back the chinese results, expected myself to pass but i didnt. kinda disappointed, put in a fair bit of effort in mastering writing a compo and letter. but in the end i failed. what's more was that my family didnt understand. chinese was suppose to be made easier to study and score but for people who's chinese is not that strong it's difficult. my dad thinks i purposly fail and i'm proud of the results, mum and sis thinks that i didnt put in effort to study. but what they do not know is that i did the best i could during the exam. they didnt see it so they assume that i slack through the paper. i'm kinda upset with them and they way they think, esp my dad. guess it's all over, all i can do now is to retake and do my very very best to get a pass. 
guess my family doesnt really understand how stressed i am, just because i dun show it. they hardly thought about how i would feel about the results or for the coming exams. all they see is the happy side where everything's sunshine. 
i wish i've got a shoulder a lean and cry on.sometimes i feel like i'm struggling to keep afloat, i do get tired too. just hope someone throws me a life saver soon before i drown and die.

was supposed to watch firewoks last nite, but decieded not to go in the end. actually, kinda feeling down. how i wish i've got someone to talk to. just like what jasmine said it's up to us on how we wanna view things. so i chose to look at it in a optimisic way. 
went out with my gal friends for a drink and dinner. i had fun though it was just sitting around relaxing, enjoying the sea breeze and our drinks. hardly felt so relaxed. 
well thats about it.  

days pass real fast before i knew it half the week is gone just like that. really home my maths will improve quickly so that i can do well. right now i'm putting all the spare time i have in maths. i have to do well if not it will be an embrassment to my aunt and i. these few days as passed smoothly, just that once in a while some childish person has to burst my bubble but it's alright, like i said they are childish. so everyday i bury myself in maths and music during chinese. surprisingly i seem to be enjoying it, something that i never thought that i would feel. guess ms woo and aunt taught me to love the subject and i mastered it. hee! so proud of myself, now my aim is to love it more and do well in it.

over the past few months,  i've been wondering where the teachers get their motivation and why they wanna be teachers when they have to put up with irritating kids, and i found out today while reading darlene's survey she did for art. well, most of it comes from the students themselves, some became teachers to inspire others like how their teacher inspired them, some just wants see and put smiles on the students faces while others wants to make an impact on others.

sometimes i wonder if my ambition was to become a teacher or to pursue something else in life. guess it will remain a mystery until i stop studying. but what i do know is that i wanna be the first gal in my extended family to live in a penthouse and earn big bucks. guess that's my form of motivation, and work towards that goal. 

well, maybe in 15 years time i will there living the high life! we shall see...  

back again! school was quite relaxed today didnt have much lessons cause ms woo had somethings on outside school so there was no CME or maths class. my day started out good today, at least better than yesterday. first period was PE we played badmintion. i had a game with mr preston tay and i almost beat him but he's always too quick to react, well, at least for certain parts of the game. then xiao ping came along to play with me. it was a good game and i enjoyed it. i was the only gal in the class who looked like i just came out from the shower. i was drenched in sweat. haha! hopefully i lost some weight during the lesson. i'll wait for mummy to play with me and buy rackets. she's really good in sports when she was my age and she still is good in it. 

today xiao ping showed me a verse from the bible and it kinda spoke to me. it said, often anger drives us to lash out in harsh words or insults that can scar a person for life. the tougue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat it's fruits (proverbs 18:21). our tougues can be a murder weapon! and it said, Is there someone who is angry with you? It doesnt matter whose fault it is. God tells us to be the first to reconcile. Go make things right. Will you obey? 
i thought about this question for a long time and it's difficult to obey what God wants me to do and that is to reconclie first eventhough i did nothing to spark a misunderstanding. but what the bible says is that we MUST obey God. we must listen to his word. but sometimes i find it quite difficult to do. and it's not that i wanna disobey him. guess i takes time for me take this step and that is to obey him. 
and in 17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in sight of all man. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all man. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the warth of God, for it is written, " Vengance is Mine, I wil repay" said the Lord. (Romans 12). 9 Blessed are the peacemakers , for they shall be called sons of God... (Matthew 5) 7 The end of all things is near, Therefore be clear minded and slef controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 peter 4) 

i was suppose to go with mummy to Bugis but decided to stay home and do some work plus mummy said that she would be with friends so i didnt want to tag along. but she called and told me that she was alone. felt kinda bad that i didnt accompny her. poor mummy! maybe i should have tagged along. i told mummy to buy a book for me called our little secret. hope she can find the book. anyways it's about a little boy who was sexually abused by his dad when he was a young boy, it's a true story by the way. dun ask me why i love reading this kinds of books i just do and there's no reason for it. mummy did buy the book for me guess i've to get it myself.  

i'm tired so heading of to bed, and tomorrow will a be a much happier day! cause there's church! yay! =)

today started out ok but  then some people in class have to burst my bubble. first period was english and we had to do a review on a place and we chose Sentosa reason being because it was the easiest to do a review on. so i took out some pen and papers and started cracking, but i ended up writing the whole review by myself while the rest sat on their nice comfortable chairs staring at me waiting for me to finish writing. how irritating was that? i do all the work, crack my brains to find the nicest adjective to compliment on the place while they sit there and talk among themselves or better still stone. so the first 3 periods was spent doing group work by myself. after recess we had F and N, so ms lee told me to do my practial part B since i missed it last week. and again i had to spend 1 whole period wasting my time cause the diskette wouldnt open. and ms lee told me to go ahead and start the practical without my instruction sheet. i was a little pissed at the whole incident. so eventually ms lee was able to open my file and print the instructions. the whole practical turned out fine and everything went smoothly. though at first everything was in a mess i had to keep track of time, set up everything and take the temperature of the food. thank god i was able to settle everything before everything went hay wire.  then i had to wait for a whole period for ms lee to come and take a picture of the food. so the rest of the day was fine. when the bell rang, it was time to head home and be happy that the day was finally over. 
there are many things in this world that i will never understand why it happened or why things are just the way it is. school has became a chore everyday i just wanna be the first to run out of the school and forget about what others say about me, sometimes i wanna put ear plugs and blind folds in class so that i dun hear and see all those people. i wanna scream out loud at the top off lungs, go to beach and let the waves and sea breeze take away all my troubles and sadness. sometimes i want a close friend to stand by me and comfort me and bring a smile on my face. from now on it's all about study.
 i wanna be better than those who think that i cnt do it, i wanna be better than those who says that i'm a bad inflence, i wanna be better than those who tells others to be wary of me, i wanna be better than those who under estimate me, i wanna be better than those who wants to be better than me, i wanna be better than those who treat me differently from others, i wanna be better than those who are better than me! 
i will fall in defeat and let those who wants me to fall to succeed. i will not be the donkey that stays in the dirt hole and let the soil pile up my back, but instead i will be the donkey that shakes off the soil from its back and step on it as a foundation eventually climbing out of the hole. i will be the best among all everyone else!

the first post in live journal! sis told me that this is much better than blogger so decided to try it out and abandon the account at blogger. i have to admit that this is much better. haha. guess it more user friendly or maybe i just dont know how to use blogger. i've always been a noob at these things. this few weeks has been great for me. God has did many wonders for me for the past week or so. he made me open my eyes to those who are real friends and those who arent, though i'm hurt at what they say about me but xiao ping has reminded me that everything happens for a reason and he's trying to tell me something. what he can give he also can take away, he took away two people help me pass time but he replaced it with many more friends. i've learnt a lot from the past few weeks, everyday he's doing wonders in my life! and i thank him for that. i've learnt to praise him in what ever i do.

i went home with xiao ping today, and she told me something that reminded me not to fill myself with hate and hold grudes towards those who have hurt me because God will give the rightful punishment to them and it will be a greater sin to want to take revenge or do something more horrible to back to the person. also lynette reminded me to show love and be tolerant towards them. so far i've managed to block out all the things i've heard about what others think and say about me. somehow i feel this inner peace that i've never felt in a long time. i'm totally enjoying it! hee! well, happy thoughts does help qutie a bit.

well, just wanna thank you xiao ping for enlighting me, guess this is the answer to me to from God.